Coins and Coincidences
by MizzSY
Summary: Gwaine will always love Merlin, even if it's not Merlin's destiny to always love back, and he'll always do what he thinks is best for his one friend. Implied Character death. One Shot


Title: Not The Right Coin

Summary: Gwaine will always love Merlin, even if it's not Merlin's destiny to always love back. Goes through Gwaine's thoughts from end of Eye of the phoenix up to coming of Arthur and then goes AU.

Pairings: Gwaine/Merlin, one sided Merlin/Arthur, implied Arthur/Gwen.

Rating: T

Warnings: Implied character death, angst, Gwaine's filthy mind.

Word count: 4,694

AN: I do skip over a lot of the episode action, but I wanted to keep the recap to a minimum, and failed really.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

* * *

Watching Arthur and Merlin ride back to Camelot and away from him hurt like hell. It was made worse by the obvious lap dog devotion Merlin gave Arthur and, though the arrogant prince tried to hide it, the close friendship they shared. Something Gwaine would not be able to have with Merlin, not for a long time anyway. Sighing, he forced himself away, going back to his wandering life.

There was a nasty bit of irony there, which he was painfully aware of. Merlin was hopelessly dedicated to Arthur, who, although there may have been some reciprocation, had eyes only for Gwen. And in the reverse, Gwaine followed Merlin into danger lovingly whilst the servant longed for the prince he couldn't have. Gwaine just wished that, like Arthur did for Merlin, Merlin returned even a part of his feelings.

His ride came quickly to an end, unsurprisingly finishing at a tavern. By now it was dark and light spilled into the night as he opened the door to the building and strode in. It wasn't long before he'd drunk his weight in ale and had had more than a few girls at his side. Right now, he was struggling to remember what he'd been done in the perilous lands that day, although pheasants and a rather tight hug with Merlin before the prat came between them, as usual, stuck in his mind.

Soon, pretty girl of the hour started to become more and more keen. Time to disentangle himself and go before-

"Where's the money for your bill?"

And lo, it was time for his evening to end.

Swiftly, his 8th (or was it 9th?) cup of ale went flying towards the face of the unprepared tavern owner while he leaped over the table and ran for the door. It came just within reach when the tavern owner's friend ragged him back by his collar. Shaking off his the grip, Gwaine smiled at the huge, angry man in front of him.

"Don't I even get to kiss my girl goodnight?"

A rocketing fist into his face gave him his answer; he wouldn't be kissing anyone for a while with his split lip and chipped tooth, might as well go all out now. He gently pressed a finger to his tender lip, before charging forward and tackling the tavern owner's friend to the floor. More patrons joined in and a good old bar fight began, one that ended with Gwaine being thrown into the streets; bloodied, bruised and still booming with drunken laughter. He just managed to stagger to a corner where he sat till dawn. When he became somewhat sober, all he could think of was where to go for his next drink. Merlin entered his mind quickly after, however.

* * *

_Some weeks later_

It hadn't taken long for Gwaine's infamous reputation to spread to every tavern within a day's ride of the town, which of course meant he was banned from each and every one of them, which led to him sleeping in the street for now. It wasn't the best of places to lay his head, but it would have to do until he could ride on to a brand new place, although he wasn't entirely sure where he was right now.

Just as he was reaching a senseless sleep, a stirring from close by snapped him out of it. His instinctive reach for his nearby sword was much slower due to the fog of a half-sleep state had rested in his head. By the time his hand had closed around the hilt, he was already surrounded by several, rather large, men.

"Come quietly and we won't have to snap your bones."

Gwaine considered his chances, hand still gripping the sword.

"Lovely offer, but as you can see, I'm much happier here."

Surprisingly quick for someone who was falling into an inebriated sleep moments ago, he sprung up, swinging the sword in a wide circle, spreading the thugs out and giving him the chance to slip out between them, though their quickly pursued.

Gwaine glanced back for a moment, before jumping over an abandoned market stall and sprinting around the corner. Despite going at full pelt, his chasers were still close behind. He looked down the street, searching out an escape when he saw more movement ahead; they had split up and now he was surrounded as they all rushed towards him.

He twisted round in an attempt to keep them all in his sight whilst brandishing his sword fiercely, but this time, it didn't stop their approach, having now found their own daggers and knives. Likewise, Gwaine stood his ground against their aggressive expressions. They all kept still, Gwaine's eyes flicking between each individual in turn. The silence made him all the more tense as they tried to guess who would make the first move.

At last, the anticipation was broken as a thug from his left let out a shout, before lobbing his dagger at Gwaine, who was just able to dodge it. Then, as if knife throw was a signal, the thugs charged forward as one.

He fought, as best he could with the amount of attackers on him. He managed to dodge the majority of the lows and lunges, even felling a couple of the thugs. But he couldn't hold out forever, one of the burlier men got in a lucky punch and Gwaine fell to the ground, allowing the thugs to drag him away.

* * *

Of all the places you could wake up after a night of ale, a grubby cell was not one of the best places.

Gwaine struggled to his feet, gingerly touching his still sore head and tried to take in his surroundings. Yup, it was still a cell, and still grubby. Before he could turn to his fellow sore and dishevelled prisoners for more information he was interrupted by a deep, scratching voice from above.

"So, which one of you runts fancy fighting my champion in the arena?"

Inwardly, Gwaine realised he was screwed; outwardly, he cheekily smiled and said "Not a great welcoming party is it?"

The deep voiced man, who had a matching ugly face and a heavy black cloak, turned his hard stare to Gwaine.

"How brave of you to volunteer."

Crap.

* * *

A fight to the death for a blood-thirsty slave trader wasn't something Gwaine would ever enjoy, but the fact that Jarl's champion seemed just as savage as his master helped ease the guilt as he cut him down, which left him with an even bigger problem.

"Congratulations my new champion."

Crap.

His chances of seeing the outside world became even slimmer and his life a little darker. He did not want a man like Jarl to become his _master_ and continue to kill people for his amusement, but it seemed he had no choice. As he settled down on the damp stone floor, he wondered what his only friend was doing at that moment.

* * *

... But going on another stupid and dangerous quest with Arthur wasn't something he was hoping for (but he did expect), especially now he was stuck in Jarl's prisoner as well. But they could escape together if they-

"How about you?"

Crap. Of all the people in the cell, Jarl had to pick Merlin as his next opponent. There was no way he'd hurt his friend, Merlin would just have to kill him instead.

"You can offer a better challenge?"

"I guarantee it."

Crap.

Sure, he may have been more partial to a fight with the prince than with Merlin, but he would possibly be a little upset if Gwaine killed Arthur.

"If you lose, I'll feed your friend there to the crows, piece by stinking piece."

...Crap.

* * *

Fighting Arthur in the arena was one of the stupidest things he'd done in his life. He'd only gone along with it because he thought the prince had a plan; otherwise there would've been no way he'd have rolled around on the floor with the little braggart. Thank God for the convenient fire, allowing them to escape and taste freedom again, all the better for the fact that Merlin was beside him again. Just seeing that irresistible happy grin that was all Merlin made him forget the long time in the dungeons of Jarl.

But of course, his happiness had to be short lived; Cenred's army _had _to come and Arthur's life _had _to be in danger. It was the way it always worked, with the prince leading Merlin blindly into danger then it becoming Merlin's responsibility to save him. Gwaine was almost thankful he wasn't bound to serve the prince; he could help him when he felt like it. Merlin acted like he had no choice, he had to trust Arthur whenever he wanted Merlin to accompany him on his next great task.

Maybe that's why he was so short with Merlin now, why he was being cold with his only friend. Merlin was obviously trying to get rid of him for some reason; why else send him for firewood now, when he knew it was just as dangerous for Gwaine as it would be for him.

There was something he clearly didn't trust Gwaine to see, he felt justified to be annoyed.

Which is why he stayed in the dark longer than he should've, giving Merlin his time alone with the prince in the cold night

* * *

Gwaine had never thought he would be able to freely walk through Camelot's streets again, maybe when Arthur become and overcame his little jealousy problem, but not before.

And he'd never thought he'd walk through them looking like this, empty and desolate. Having only been here once, whilst it gave him the creeps, it didn't affect him as badly as it seemed to Merlin and Arthur. Even in the prince's guarded face, he saw a pang of hurt and defeat, Merlin simply looked devastated, this was home to him after all. But he sensed this was no time to try and comfort his friends. Instead, he followed, he helped kick the door in, he went to the cells when he wanted to stay with Merlin, he took Gaius without looking back because he wouldn't be able to take Merlin's look of loyalty and devotion to Arthur as he agreed to stay with the prince on his suicidal mission.

Instead of going to him when they all got to the cave, Gwaine left him to tend to the prince. Merlin may have been bound to serve Arthur, but it didn't mean Gwaine had to be bound to Merlin. Not when he'd never get that love back.

* * *

"I'll go get some more."

"Don't, it's dangerous."

"Merlin what happened?"

"Nothing."

A week into Morgana's reign and Gwaine still hadn't been able to restart his usual ease with Merlin, there had only been the very occasional conversation and that was it. He probably hadn't even noticed between his whispered talks with Gaius and attending to the prince, he thought bitterly.

No, that wasn't fair. They all knew the prince was their only hope; Merlin was trying to help them all.

_Because our leader's acting like a pampered brat_

Because he's feeling betrayed!

_You're even defending the royal prat for him_

I should stop sulking just because he's not always with me, _I'm _the one acting spoilt, he has to look after Arthur

_You don't have to look after him_

I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!

_..._

Even his inner argument had been shocked into silence with that. He'd never admitted, even in his head, that what he felt for the skinny servant was _love_; Merlin had had a much larger effect on him than he first thought.

And it was definitely love now he thought properly about it, and that made things much simpler.

Because he wasn't about to be sulky with someone who he'd much rather have in bed.

* * *

Despite what he'd first said Gwaine had not taken happily to Lancelot.

Come on, having to compete with the blonde princess was bad enough, but now there was the almost-as-handsome-as-he-was (in Gwaine's and MizzSY's opinion) swordsman to contend with as well? How many warrior, sword fighting, wavy haired men did Merlin have hanging about? And that wasn't even starting on the girls...

So, Gwaine did the mature thing and resorted back to his mood as they made their way to their new home. Sure, he was grateful Lancelot had saved their lives and everything, but did he _have_ to be so close to Merlin as they talked?

Gwaine mentally sneered at Lancelot, betting he could beat the man at sword play any day.

* * *

Getting knighted was the strangest mix of emotions Gwaine had ever had. For one thing, he didn't feel exactly pleased about going down on his knees in front of Arthur, nor thrilled that he was having this "honour" bestowed upon him, for what? So he'd get to wear a silly cape? So that it'd take people longer to say his full title? To be given respect by people who didn't know if he truly deserved it?

All his principles told him that knighthood was one big sham, and yet...

To gain the title without a noble heritage (as far as Arthur knew) along with the other men, who were just the same, gave him a sense of pride that someone had seen what _he_ was worth, and not just the blood passed onto him from his father.

Plus, he felt he'd look pretty good in those red capes.

And one look at Merlin's proud expression, ecstatic that his friends were getting this privilege, even if he was overlooked again, told Gwaine this was what he wanted.

* * *

He noticed things as they got ready to leave. He saw Lancelot's grim face as Arthur and Gwen kissed.

And he also saw Merlin's.

He saw the worry in Gaius' eyes as he hugged Merlin goodbye.

And he also saw Arthur's.

He noticed his own trepidation as he walked with the men, he noticed the determination, he noticed that he was prepared to fight for a king who banished him and for his jealous son, he was prepared to fight and die because what should have been his reason to go on was willing to do the same.

They entered the castle and Gwaine watched Merlin's retreating figure, hoping to the Gods they saw each other again.

* * *

The warning bell had rung, sounding out loud and clear.

"What the _hell _are those two doing?"

Gwaine thought he knew all too well the answer. Lancelot and Merlin had had plenty of time to reach and take out the bell, if it was still, they must've been stopped before they could reach it.

Merlin was more than likely dead. If he saw Lancelot had miraculously survived, he'd murder him for letting his friend die.

Arthur, as usual, was oblivious to the fact that his supposed friend could be dead. If the immortals didn't finish them all off, the princess was next on his hit list.

"If we're going down, _we'll go down fighting_!"

Spurred on by the words and the twisted, ugly anger in him, Gwaine threw himself into the mass of people who would never fall, who would kill him no matter how many times he stabbed them.

Shouts and clangs and more shouting was all he could hear as he fought ferociously, as he was backed against the alcove's wall by three of the soldiers.

_Go down fighting._

He knocked one out (they were immortal, not super-humans) and nearly disarmed another before the third tripped him, trapping Gwaine on the floor with a boot on his chest and a sword at his throat.

So this was it, certain death. A darkened corner with your sword just out of reach, a noisy clamour sounding just below the ringing in your head, the flickering of a torch stinging your eyes and a thrum of life pumping and rushing through your body because it realises it's time is up. The panic that only comes with the knowledge that this was something that could never happen to you but you are equally certain there is no way to get out of it.

Of all the bar-fights, death threats and scheduled executions, of all the risks, adventures and suicide quests, this would be how it ends.

He closes his eyes as the sword comes closer, and of course, Merlin is what he sees. It always is. Merlin's face illuminated by campfire, Merlin watching on sadly as they parted again, Merlin as he walked away with Lancelot.

Arthur may have had so many more moments Merlin, but this one, in his head in his last breath; this would always be Gwaine's.

Gwaine opened his eyes to look the soldiers in the eye. Just as he lunged forward to end it, he exploded, just like that.

Gwaine stared at where a person had just been, it was unexpected, and a bit anti-climatic.

He started pulling himself to his feet, now noticing the pain in his ankle, when a voice came out of the sudden quiet.

"Gwaine? You still alive?"

Oh, they did miss him.

"What do you think?" he limped out of the alcove. "And that's _sir_ Gwaine to you."

He looked at everyone and smiled, yes, he was so alive right now.

* * *

They had released all the knights, before marching out of the castle and into the square where several towns people had gathered, baffled at the fact that the soldiers had suddenly blown up, not that they weren't pleased, and of course they were happy to see their prince and his new rag-tag group of knights.

But grief was still stuck in Gwaine's stomach, bitter resentment at survivors who carried on whilst Merlin hadn't.

"What'd I miss?"

He immediately spun round to see _Merlin_, supporting a bedraggled Lancelot with, strangely, Gaius. The town's people could have their prince, this was who he wanted to see. He didn't hesitate in going for a hug, which a very manly hug. At least Merlin seemed to appreciate it.

After releasing Merlin, which took a considerable amount of time, he turned to glare at Arthur, hoping, just this once, he would see it was ok to accept Merlin as a friend. Surely the princess wouldn't begrudge a hug when once again Merlin had once again risked everything to help him.

But, as usual, Arthur walked by, an oblivious prat.

Well, if Arthur was too blind to see what he could have and treasure, Gwaine wasn't. Merlin could protect Arthur all he wanted, but from now on, he'd have Gwaine protecting _him_.

He smirked, reaching for Merlin's hand and leasing him away.

And he'd have to talk to Arthur about red capes soon.

_2 Months Later_

Oh yes, those red capes definitely looked good on him, Merlin had liked it anyway.

"_Isn't this going to be faffy to have on?" Merlin said, playfully flicking a corner of the fabric._

"_When you're trying to get my clothes off?" Gwaine suggested innocently, taking hold of Merlin's hand and stroking it with his thumb._

"_Funnily enough, my thoughts aren't always about shagging you."_

"_No, sometimes they're about kissing me, putting your hands on me at every chance or that time in the stables when I su-"_

"_Shut it." Merlin said teasingly, pushing Gwaine over, who took Merlin own with him. It didn't take long for a mock wrestle to begin that mostly involved groping. After a while it ended with Merlin on top, pinning Gwaine down by his hands. Accepting defeat, Gwaine leaned up and kissed him lovingly._

"_I love you." Merlin whispered between their lips._

"_Too bloody right you should."_

The past two months had been wondrously great, it had been so easy to fall into place with Merlin, to build a trust and love, all of it had been amazing and Gwaine couldn't be more thankful.

The day when Merlin revealed his magic was when Gwaine knew for sure just how much they had had together.

_Gwaine had been lounging on the princes bed bored out of his head, waiting for Merlin to finish so they could find another secret corner after an embarrassed sir Leon had come across them yesterday._

_It wasn't any wonder that practice today had been rather awkward today._

"_Gwaine." Merlin had said from some part of the room._

"_Merlin."_

"_You know you love me and everything?"_

"_I'm giving you nothing." He smiled as Merlin's indignant face popped out from the screen._

"_I'm not always after something."_

"_In my experience, you are and it's usually my huge-"_

"_GWAINE!"_

_Gwaine chuckled to himself as Merlin's face disappeared again._

"_And don't flatter yourself." He stage whispered, they stayed in silence for a while._

"_I do love you." Cue appearance of Merlin's face. "Tell me what you want now?"_

_Merlin sighed and walked out from behind the screen and towards his lover, collapsing on top of Gwaine once near enough._

"_I want to show you something."_

_He managed to suppress a comment on having already seen everything thanks to Merlin's serious expression._

"_Go on." He prompted. Merlin still looked uncomfortable._

"_It's... hard, I've kept it a secret for a long time..."_

_Gwaine leant up so their foreheads touched, placing his hands reassuringly on Merlin's arms._

"_You can trust me, Merlin, you always can."_

_They both closed their eyes, feeling the others touch and nothing else._

"_I know."_

_Merlin closed the distance and tenderly placed his lips on Gwaine's before sitting up properly, prodding Gwaine until he followed._

"_Watch this."_

_And he did, amazed as objects suddenly lifted and circled the room with a simple flick of a wrist from Merlin, who replaced them just as easily._

"_You're quite the one for surprises, aren't you?" was the first thing to stumble from his mouth, he turned to see Merlin watching him nervously. "I'll tell no one."_

_Merlin smiled and reached for his hand._

"_and now I know for sure you can clean these chambers quicker, so get to it. I have plans for you that involve little clothing."_

_Merlin laughed, and quickly moved to obey._

_And nobody came across them that afternoon; Merlin's magic did have some good uses._

The door of the stables where Gwaine had been lounging sprung open, shaking him out of his less than holy thoughts. But when he saw Merlin framed by the door, they returned with full force.

"Princess finally released you?"

Merlin merely replied with a tired groan, collapsing next to him.

"Where in your destiny does it say you have to slave after him?" he said, testing Merlin's tiredness by poking his head.

"It doesn't, but his royal pratness thinks that protecting him is the same as cleaning his tip of a room." Merlin half-grunted.

Gwaine chuckled, lying down beside him.

"I know you're bound together and all that, but really, I _never _make you clean my underwear, how come I'm still second best?"

He had only meant it as a joke (partly), but his words caused Merlin to sit up, deadly serious.

"You're never second best, never."

Gwaine sighed, before also sitting up.

"You don't have to pretend, not with me. You love him."

Merlin's face shone with disbelief, before he reached for Gwaine's hand.

"Never in the way I love you. I have to be with Arthur because of my destiny, but I will always _choose_ to be with you. I care for no one more."

Gwaine stayed silent, but held the meaningful look between them.

Merlin definitely had a way of putting things.

* * *

It was sheer coincidence that had led to it. A coincidence that Arthur had planned a hunt just before Merlin was put in the stocks, again. That he'd taken all the new knights. That the raiders had come that day.

They had stopped to rest by a river when a messenger from the raiders came with the demand.

The castle had been taken but the actual town remained free for now. All the raiders wanted was for the prince to come, unarmed and alone, and all the castles inhabitants would be free once more. The messenger would stay with them as insurance that their word was good.

And Gwaine knew Arthur, knew he'd do this to save the people of the castle. But he tried to persuade the prince nonetheless.

"They will kill you." He said in a monotone.

"I have no choice. They have them all prisoner, my father, Guinevere, Gaius, Merlin..."

He continued to watch the prince, the cold feeling of uselessness that came with being unable to stop the unthinkable returned to him.

Except, there was another, unthinkable way to stop it.

"These raiders, they don't actually know what you look like?"

Arthur shook his head.

"In that case, I'm sorry." In one fluid movement, he had jumped across the room and delivered a hard punch to the princes head, knocking him clean out. He wasted no time in changing into Arthur's clothes, to those who did not know the prince, the royal symbol would identify him as Arthur.

The real Arthur had started to come round just as Gwaine finished putting the armour on.

"Gwaine... what the hell are you doing?" He grunted, yanking on the ropes Gwaine had secured him with.

"Saving your life, princess." His tone held none of his usual ease and cheer, he knew what was coming, and apparently Arthur had caught on too.

"You can't, Gwaine no. It's _my _responsibility."

Gwaine didn't look at him as he stood to leave.

"My responsibilities to Merlin." He said cryptically, ignoring Arthur as he thrashed harder against his restraints. As Gwaine reached the tent entrance, he stilled, catching his knight's eye.

"They will kill you." He said pleadingly, Gwaine just shrugged.

"We'll see."

And then he left, leaving Arthur still struggling against the ropes.

* * *

It made sense, it _did_. Better him than Arthur, for everyone.

It made sense.

Camelot needed its future king, Gwen needed her true love, Merlin needed his destiny.

No one needed a drunken traveller turned knight. The thought caused his eyes to sting with tears as he walked closer and closer to Camelot.

He wondered if the other knights had found Arthur yet, if he'd ordered them to chase after him.

It made sense for him to die posing as Arthur rather than the prince himself, he doubted any witnesses to the certain execution would point out the deceit.

Uther wouldn't, his son was more important than the man he once banished.

Gwen wouldn't, she loved Arthur whilst she barely knew Gwaine.

Merlin...

Merlin was the reason he did this now, his allegiance to the warlock was far greater than that to the prince.

He knew he was first in Merlin's heart, but the soul was another matter. He understood the destiny that Arthur and Merlin were bound and couldn't be apart without the other being destroyed.

If Arthur died, Merlin would too. He would be lost and broken.

If he died, Merlin could go on. Yes, there would be grief, but it would pass. He would move on and forget as he served his prince. Gwaine was sure of it.

There would always be just one option in this. Merlin and Gwaine's paths were entwined somewhat, like two sides but not the same coin nonetheless. He could exist without his tavern-happy friend, but a coin could not have just one side.

The empty roads had run out and he now walked Camelot's empty streets, intent on the castle.

He couldn't stop the shaking or the fear as he reached the castle gates. How different this was compared to the last time he was faced with certain death. Instead of noticing and taking everything in, he felt filled up and overwhelmed. Too much dark and gut-clenching emotions to notice things as he reached the gates and was faced with a squat, dirty looking man.

"Who are you?" the man asked, eyeing Gwaine warily.

"My name is Arthur Pendragon, crown prince of Camelot."

If only it were true.

The gate opened, and Gwaine walked into the castle.

* * *

First Merlin fic, reviews make me happy and less insecure!

MizzSY x


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